*trigger warning - suicide talk*
My time at school was never easy, and to be truthful they have been the worst days of my life. I have 3 months left of sixth form and I honestly cannot wait to leave. I've always struggled making friends and socialising with them because of how anxious I always was. I was bullied in year 7 which impacted me mentally and emotionally. School has most definitely been one of the biggest impacts on my mental health, but by no means am I saying this will be the same for everyone.
After about 2 years at secondary school in year 9, I began experiencing panic attacks. They started off quite spaced out and I was only having one in a couple of months, but as I got to my GCSEs and the start of sixth form, they became very frequent and the symptoms of them were worsening. In May 2016, before my English language exam, I was up the whole night having several panic attacks and vomitting, and couldn't stop crying and hyperventilating before the exam - I was a mess. Thankfully, these panic attacks have become less frequent but when they do happen, they are very suddden and very debilitating.
Throughout sixth form, I have found myself not socialising with anyone and isolating myself from everyone. I usually sit on my own and get on with my work, which I suppose does have its benefits. About a year ago, I felt myself going into a state of low mood and my attention span was completely gone. I couldn't concentrate at all, my grades at school were dropping, I felt so low that I went through a state of being incredibly suicidal. For about a period of 3 months, I don't think there was a day when I didn't think about killing myself. There were so many bad thoughts going through my head on a daily basis that I never thought I'd make it out of the dark place I was in. Thankfully, I didn't do anything to put myself at risk.
Last December, I decided it was time for me to get help. I needed something to get me out of this dark, suicidal mindset I was in. It was impacting my school work, my mood on a daily basis and the relationships with my family and boyfriend. So, in Dec 2017, I was diagnosed with severe depression as well as generalised anxiety disorder and was put on an anti-depressant called sertraline. Sertraline is a medication to treat primarily depression but also anxiety, OCD and a few others. Since being on sertraline, I have seen an amazing improvement in myself. I'm a lot happier, I'm socialising a lot more and I'm finding going to work and socialising with the public a lot easier. Obviously, I still have my blips as anti-depressants aren't going to remove my mental health issues completely but they are definitely helping.
Depression isn't something I thought I'd come to terms with or ever think of having. When the doctor said I had depression, I didn't believe him. I felt like explaining to people I have depression would make me look weak, but I've learnt to embrace my mental health disorders and accept them as a part of me.
My anxiety is definitely going to a long-term thing, and maybe depression but the more I learn to live with them, the easier they are to talk about and to cope with.
Daisy x
